September 17, 2015

A year ago today I found out that I had been betrayed and lied to (through omission) by a man that I had been in a relationship with for over 4 years. FOUR YEARS of my life devoted to a man that, honestly, didn’t “do” a whole lot for me. He let me ride around the country in his truck. He bought me a few trinkets here and there. He cuddled with me. He would text me “good morning”, “good night” and throughout the day. I am sure there are more than a dozen things that he did that my reaction was to feel happy, giggly, and loved.

What I allowed myself to do was become so entangled in him that I lost myself and delayed my dreams. I gave up a job that I really didn’t enjoy for a shared twin-size bed in an 18-wheeler. He didn’t help with my finances when I did that because he sent all the money “home” to the other woman in his life. I never understood why he did that even though he kept telling me it was to support his “adopted daughter” and he did not want to be with her mother. Boy THAT is a long story, which lead to what the final straw was and how the story ended.

I destroyed a fantastic relationship with a man that, thank goodness, is still in my life. Although, I know for a fact I would be married to the better man if I had truly just let him walk away. I come to the part that I realize I need to figure out a way to refer to him. What should I call him? Got it! Cowboy Casanova. Another Carrie Underwood song.

You better take it from me
That boy is like a disease
You’re runnin’ and tryin’ and tryin’ to hide
And you’re wondering why you can’t get free
He’s like a curse; he’s like a drug
You get addicted to his love
You wanna get out, but he’s holding ya down
‘Cause you can’t live without one more touch

[Chorus]
He’s a good time cowboy Casanova
Leaning up against the record machine
He looks like a cool drink of water
But he’s candy-coated misery
He’s the devil in disguise
A snake with blue eyes
And he only comes out at night
Gives you feelings that you don’t wanna fight
You better run for your life

I see that look on your face
You ain’t hearing what I say
So I’ll say it again ’cause I been where ya been
And I know how it ends, you can’t get away
Don’t even look in his eyes
He’ll tell you nothing but lies
And you wanna believe that you won’t be deceived
If you listen to me and take my advice

He’s a good time cowboy Casanova
Leaning up against the record machine
He looks like a cool drink of water
But he’s candy-coated misery
He’s the devil in disguise
A snake with blue eyes
And he only comes out at night
Gives you feelings that you don’t wanna fight
You better run for your life

Run, run away, don’t let him mess with your mind
He’ll tell you anything you wanna hear
He’ll break your heart; it’s just a matter of time
But just remember

He’s a good time cowboy Casanova
Leaning up against the record machine
He looks like a cool drink of water
But he’s candy-coated misery
He’s the devil in disguise
A snake with blue eyes
And he only comes out at night
Gives you feelings that you don’t wanna fight
You better run for your life

Oh, you better run for your life
Oh, you better run for your life

*****
I just decided that I want to write a book about this. What I learned and how he affected me life, now that is a story I can tell!

I think I might just do that!

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